I read an article by Charles Stanley, which you can read if you go to www.woundedlily@wordpress.com, which tells us about forgiveness.  I also inserted some scripture from Matthew where we all will give account – be responsible, for the words in which we speak.

At first when I read Charles Stanley’s article, I felt as though he was putting down the needs of those who utilize counselors or psychiatric care.  I too, have often wondered, why, since I have forgiven those who raped me, abused me, emotionally harmed me spiritually, I still suffer (at times) from post traumatic stress disorder?

I imagine that without first forgiving them, I cannot learn how to respond to situations that trigger emotions from the past.  I now know that damage has been done to individuals that they might not be aware of.  My daughter gave me an example recently:

When a family member was being aggressive and pushy, I told my daughter we were not responsible for her behavior, we were instead responsible for our response.  My daughter asked me this week, why didn’t I defend her against what this family member was saying (which wasn’t true). 

At first I thought I was right.  Then I thought….Whats Up with my response.  I realized that instead of addressing conflict, I choose to listen to it; instead of being assertive and saying “That is enough.”  I avoid conflict because of the horrendous abuse our family went through when I was at home.

Makes you think…..You might have forgiven someone, but you also need to learn to be as “wise as a serpent, and as harmless as a dove.”  I agree and disagree with using “we are responsible for our reaction” instead of defending ourselves.  I believe that in some situations, it is best to keep quiet and in others it is necessary to speak up.  What do you think?